After loss self portrait
This was taken the morning Casper was delivered forever sleeping. You can see I'm all hooked up to everything, being monitored. But I didn't care.... All I cared about was holding my precious son, my world in tatters. It was this moment that I knew it was all over, there was no coming back, there was no mistake.
I avoided pictures after this. I avoided mirrors. I avoided a lot.... I wanted to crawl in a hole and pretend the world didn't exist. I remember thinking that it was unfair that the rest of life moved on like nothing was different, but my whole existence was shattered and nothing would ever be the same. But I had no choice to continue living. I had my beautiful daughter who needed me, and the rest of my family to take care of.
It's been just short of a year since this day.... And yet my heart is still raw and broken. It will forever be missing a piece. Nothing will ever replace that piece, nothing will ever close that hole.....
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