Day 4

Treasured Item

I had to include 2 things.  The first is the blanket my best friend and Casper's godmother sent.  The other is a stuffed ducky that the hospital gave us the day Casper was delivered.

I had my husband bring the blanket to the hospital while I was waiting to be induced.  I wanted something from home, something that was ours, to wrap him and hold him.  The blanket is micro-plush, and the perfect shade of baby blue.

We have several pictures of Casper with his ducky from the hospital.  We also talked about what to do with his ashes.  It was an easy decision that he would be cremated, because neither of us could fathom burying him in the ground.  I could stand the thought of putting him in the cold, hard ground.  Jay agreed.  We went to the funeral home without a real idea of what we would do.  Looking at all of the caskets and urns confirmed that we wanted something special for him.  So we decided that we would find some way to hold his ashes inside of his ducky.  We took all the stuffing out, placed the bag inside, and sewed the ducky back together.

His ducky rests inside a glass display box, along with the suit he wore at the hospital and the hat he wore.  We also have a collection of special treasures that he watches over.  There is also the hospital tag that was made for Casper and a necklace made of the letters of his name.

Since I can not hold him or cuddle him, I have slept with his blanket every night since I left the hospital empty-handed.  It's not the same as holding my son, but I feel closest to him when I have his blankie in my arms.